Cats: The Root of All Evil

Cats are adorable little animals that bite you, scratch you, and tear up the furniture. People do not own cats, cats own humans. If you are a good pet, the cat might bring you a mouse or a dead bird. In return, you must provide food, shelter, and furniture to scratch up. I do not see why people get cats, as I have yet to figure out what purpose they serve. They don't fetch anything, they don't play with you, and they don't preform chores. In all fairness, you don't have to wash them, or clean up their poop. 

Cats are gods among men, at least they think they are. Cats see themselves as deities who exist to be served. Cats like to sit in everything, be it a bag of chips, your laptop, a cup, a box, or your underwear. I think cats are classified as liquids. For some reason cats seem to like yarn. A single ball of yarn is a toy that can be played with for hours. For some reason they like this plant called catnip. I had the misfortune of planting some in my yard; now I have thirty cats. Do you want a useless fur-ball--I mean, an adorable little kitten?

Farewell, and may your cats only be jerks to other people.

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