Funny Cooking Quotes

On earth, food is very different than it is on my planet. On my planet we have to grow our own food, or catch and kill it. Cooking is becoming a lost art. There are still good cooks out there, but there are becoming fewer and fewer. Most people are satisfied to put pre-prepared food in the microwave or to watch You-Tube videos about food. Just Google "Pintrest food fails" and you'll see what I mean. So for all of you out there who have ever had a food fail, here are some funny cooking quotes:

1. If at first you don't succeed, order pizza!

2.Complaints to the cook can be hazardous to your health.

3. I'm such a bad cook -- my idea of a "Happy Meal" is any meal I don't have to prepare.

4. I'm such a bad cook -- I use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

5. I'm such a bad cook -- my dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

6. Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.

7. Where there's smoke, you'll find supper.

8. I'm such a bad cook -- my tuna surprise glows in the dark and melts the silverware.

9. Open the oven. Take a look. First to complain is next week's cook.

10. I'm such a bad cook -- for breakfast I had a tub of Cool Whip.

11. I'm such a bad cook -- when I barbecue, two of my kids stand by with water cannons and the third holds the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

12. I'm such a bad cook -- my microwave display reads "TILT."

13. I'm such a bad cook -- my pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

14. I'm such a bad cook -- pest control companies ask for my recipes.

15. I'm such a bad cook -- my cat only has three lives left.

16. I'm such a bad cook -- when we go on a picnic, the ants bring Rolaids.

17. I'm such a bad cook -- my kids ask me to make reservations instead of dinner.

18. I'm such a bad cook -- my family prays AFTER they eat!

19. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

20. I came; I saw; I ordered take-out!

21. In the cookie of life...friends are the chocolate chips.

22. I'm such a bad cook -- my two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but no one can tell which is which.

23. Remember: "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

24. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

25. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Farewell, and if you cook like this, may your life be filled with pizza.

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