Malaprops

Humans mix up what they mean a lot. They can do this in more than one way, like idioms, spoonerisms, and malaprops. Today, I'm talking about malaprops. In case you don't know what a malaprop is, a malaprop is a mistaken use of a word in the place of a similar sounding one. Someone told to shave the whales. I hadn't heard the term "Save the whales!!!" What animal on earth can eat a whale -- well, I can name sixty on my planet, but none on earth. That's why I shaved a whale. It wasn't very cooperative, and I didn't see why it needed shaving. It didn't have much fur.

At a restaurant, a man asked for some neutrons on his salad. The shop owner said they where out. I didn't know he meant croutons, so I pulled out my particle fuser and shot. I was trying to be helpful. The shop owner didn't think so. I've reached 25 arrests.

I now know what a malaprop is, so here are some I found funny:

1. A college (colleague) of ours once said, "I like decapitated (decaffeinated) coffee."

2. A girl complained that her boyfriend always takes her for granite (granted).

3. A longtime navy man was once reported to have sea roaches (cirrhosis) of the liver.

4. That beautiful sunset has all the colors of the rectum (spectrum).

5. She's really tough; she's remorseful (resourceful).

6. Bump beds (bunk beds).

7. If the ball hits you, you'll be illuminated (eliminated).

8. The Decorations of Independence (Declaration)

9. Ever-laughing life (Everlasting Life)

10. A rolling stone gathers no moths (moss).

Farewell, and may you never have Cadillacs in your eyes. (Cataracts)

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 30, 2018 at 3:14 PM

    Conflagrations! (Congratulations!):
    Trespassers will be prostituted (prosecuted)

    ReplyDelete

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