Tips for World Domination

Yesterday Gobbersnot tried to take over the world. I hope he didn't scare you, he really isn't scary. He tried to take over my planet; my little sister stopped him. He tried to take over a nearby planet, but was stopped by four monkeys with sporks. He has tried to take over many planets, but only succeeded with one, that was a planet full of bunnies. Then he figured out that he was allergic to bunnies. Gobbersnot is a real amateur. 

Here's good advice if you want to take over a world:

1. Don't put "Self-destruct" on your self-destruct buttons.

2. Make it seem that your weakness is something completely different than your actual weakness. Convince your enemy you're scared of chocolate chip cookies, he will send you boxes of them.

3. Don't monologue; just shoot.

4. Make sure you're not allergic to the people you're trying to take over.

5. Don't put a sign saying "Secret entrance" on the secret entrance. Put it on a brick wall.

6. If you possess the power to turn into a monster, don't.

7. When hiring minions, make sure they can't be beaten by a farm-boy that just started fighting.

8. Make sure you have real armor, not just plastic that looks good.

9. Never fight in high places, that's how Disney kills all their villains.

10. Sporks can make great weapons in the hands of a master. Spoons never make good weapons.

Personally I think you shouldn't try to take over the world, order a pizza instead.

Farewell, and may your world not be taken over.

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