Tis the Season to be Shopping

The Christmas season has officially started. This means that people are madly running around buying presents, spending money they don't have on useless junk that nobody needs. Black Friday is a great deal, if you want to buy five things you don't need, so you can get two things you really don't need. You can get great deals on things that you absolutely don't need, but they convince you you can't live without, or on things that you do need or want, but break on Christmas day.

Christmas shopping is really fun if you enjoy crowds and waiting in line for hours. If the store is crowded enough, it's like being in a roller derby or a demolition derby with carts instead of cars. On black Friday be sure to wear proper padding. I wear a hockey uniform.

Here are some good gift ideas to remember while you're shopping:

1. Toilet paper. Everybody needs it.

2. Pizza and bacon. Who doesn't like it?

3. Cash. Need I say more?

4. A pillow. Who doesn't like to sleep?

5. A cow. Everyone likes beef.

6. A chicken. They taste like chicken.

7. Shoes, preferably in their size.

8. A hairbrush/comb, unless the person you're buying it for is bald.

9. A quantum thermal molecular space re-arranger -- Wait! you don't have those here. Just get them a pickle.

10. A porcupine. They make good pets, and you can be sure they don't already have one.

Farewell, and may you get a porcupine for Christmas.

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