Shoulder Angel, Shoulder Devil, Shoulder Dragon

Apparently earthlings have creatures called shoulder angels and shoulder devils. I find these creatures similar to shoulder dragons from my planet, except the shoulder angel tells you to do good things, the shoulder devil tells you to see what you can get away with, but the shoulder dragon mostly talks about food. If you're wondering if you should cheat on a test, your shoulder angel says no, your shoulder devil says yes. Meanwhile I'm dealing with my shoulder dragon, saying "Put a little salt on the teacher. I'll do the rest." Shoulder dragons are rather hard to deal with, because they give some odd advice. Here are some examples:

 If you ask them all "How should I impress this girl?"  The angel says, "Bring her flowers." The devil says "Go for the bad boy attitude." And the dragon says, "Bite her."

If you're under-charged at the store, your angel says, "Return the money." Your devil says. "Keep the money. It's not your fault Mister Incompetent can't do math." Then the dragon says, "Order a pizza. I'll eat the cashier."

You're out with your friends, and they want to vandalize your obnoxious neighbor's house. Angel says, "Don't do it." Devil says, "He's annoying, do it." Dragon says, "Eat your friends, and the neighbor's dog."

Your brother is annoying you. Angel says, "Be patient." Devil says, "Hit him." Dragon says, "Preheat the oven to 360 degrees..."

If you decided to obey the dragon, you have some issues. If you decided to obey the devil, that's not a good idea. If you decided to obey the angel, good for you.

Farewell, and may you never listen to your shoulder dragon, unless he tells you to order pizza.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Valentine's Day

There seems to be a strange tradition called Valentine's Day. The day that no matter how long you have loved someone, you have to prove your love by getting them something expensive and impractical; and if you don't get it right, the duration of which you're in the dog house can range from a week to forever! This is why I don't think that we should have Valentine's Day. I think we should have Pizza Day instead. Everyone likes pizza, and if they don't like it they should, so nobody should feel left out. Plus, pizza is much cheaper than jewelry or a dozen roses. There are many things that people find romantic. Here are some things that I find truly romantic: 1. Cleaning out the RazorFang cage together. If you can do that together, you can do anything together. 2. Chocolate dipped bacon. Girls like chocolate; boys like bacon. Serve with pizza. Now there's a romantic evening. 3. Go to Galor. Watch Bofalball all day, and drink Swampaid all night. What mor
Read more

Jokes

There seems to be a lot of debate with humans on why the chicken crossed the road. Some say he did it to get to the other side, to get away from Colonel Sanders, to show the possum it was possible, to get to the other slide, to give people something to talk about, because he could, because she saw what you did to her eggs, and because chickens are really stupid. I then learned that this  wasn't a philosophical debate, but was a joke. We do have jokes on my planet, but they are very different. I'm not even going to try to tell you a joke from my planet. You wont get them. Someone Told me, "People on a diet should go to the paint store. There you can get thinner." I didn't need to lose weight. I chose a very healthy form, but a friend of mine said that she wanted to lose weight. That's why I told her that. She just laughed at me. Apparently, that guy wasn't giving me information, but was telling a joke. I have found humans have various categories of joke
Read more

The Real Easter Bunny

I went out with the Easter bunny a few days ago. People have her all wrong, like how they think she's a boy. Why would a boy have eggs like that? She's an Angorian. It's a very interesting race that looks like a cross between a bunny and a person, but don't call them bunnies. They really don't like that. She bought chickens that lay colorful eggs from someone named Derek. He owns his own pet shop where you can design your pet. I asked him for a telepathic squid. He says he's still getting the Zoronean DNA, but he'll make it. There are many different races in the universe, and none of them look like ET. Star Wars and Star Trek get them all wrong too. There is one series that gets it right because it was written by an alien -- Eubos System, books one two and three. They tell you of beings that shoot lightning, that are connected to another dimension, those that shape-shift, the Damians who have a sixth sense, and other cool races that really exist. You rea
Read more