Relationships

Like on earth, my people get married. Unlike earth, my people don't get divorced, remarried, divorced again, and seek eternal vengeance on their ex's soul. We would never do something like that; we just mail them a StinkRat. Earthlings are always trying to make relationships stay together. Personally, I would recommend duct tape. On my planet, when a couple is thinking of a divorce, we drop them in a pit of Viperous Winged Dogs. They reconcile really quickly. Since you don't have Viperous Winged Dogs, hear are some ways to keep a relationship together:

1.Make a prenuptial agreement, that you will go skinny dipping with Razor sharks before you get divorced.

2. Duct tape yourself to your spouse.

3. Use a car battery to put a spark back in your relationship.

4. Decide all arguments with a game of Twister.

5. Spend all your money; you won't be able to afford a divorce.

6. Have lots of children. You won't see your spouse to fight.

7. Don't wake up. You can't fight someone that's asleep.

8. Compliment your spouse every day. If there is nothing to compliment, turn off the lights  and say "You look great."

9. Eat lots of pizza. It's hard to be angry with pizza in your mouth.

10. If all else fails, use chocolate.

But, do note that I have only gone on three dates, and have never had a relationship.

Farewell, and may your marriage last longer than a Teletubbies' episode feels.

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