Feeding the Poor, When You Don't Know What to Feed Them to

Christmas is a time of getting while the getting is still good...Wait wait wait...I have just been told that it is a time of giving. That surprises me with how people act. Still, I'll go with giving. It's good to give, unless you're giving them a punch in the nose, the flu, or a Razor Shark. I also don't recommend giving someone fried Taser Eels; pizza is better. Yet, Christmas is a time to give, usually useless overpriced items that nobody needs.

Instead of giving people useless junk for Christmas, give them something they might actually like; unless they're kids, then all they want is useless junk. A few hours of free babysitting makes a very good gift, as does delivering dinner on a busy day. You can play with kids. They probably will enjoy that more than the toy. You can visit the elderly. You can always feed the poor, although I'm not sure what you're suppose to feed them to. HongerBeast don't find them meaty enough; and Pooch is a vegetarian.

Here are some good ideas of service:

1. Donate blankets to a children's hospital, preferably not on fire.

2. Deliver food to the hungry, preferably pizza.

3.  Help your neighbor Fred with his squirrel problem. Squirrels taste like chicken.

4. Do a chore around the house without being asked. Have smelling salts ready for when your mother passes out.

5. Smile and be happy, not only does it brighten other people's day, but it makes people wonder what you've been up to.

Farewell, and may you never eat fried Taser Eels.

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