Excuses

I have learned that humans make excuses a lot. It's not just when I bump into a pretty girl and ask her out. Children make lots of excuses for why they didn't do their homework, why they didn't clean their room, or why their brother is duct taped to the wall. I've heard some very interesting excuses, like, "I had car trouble," or "My alarm didn't go off," or "I had to take care of my little sister first." And I'm supposed to believe this? Why won't they believe me when I tell them, "I'm late because the Plutonians needed chocolate chips," or "I was having milk and cookies with Santa Claus"? She just rolled her eyes and said, "Did you say hi to the Easter bunny on the way?" I told her "Of course not. We're going on a date next week." Yes, the Easter bunny is a girl. Do you think a boy decorates eggs like that?

When I give excuses, they are legitimate excuses, like, "My pet RazorFang got loose, and I had to keep him from eating the mayor," or "I didn't come because my transformer malfunctioned, and I thought you might be frightened by my true form." Unfortunately, my legitimate excuses tend to get men in white coats showing up again. I've learned not to tell the whole story. I tell people I was feeding kittens at a homeless shelter (to my RazorFang),  I was taking care of the chickens (they'll taste wonderful when they finish marinading), or I was making a cake for Charity (It's her birthday). That seemed to go over better than the full truth.

Farewell, and may you be invited to Charity's birthday party.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Valentine's Day

There seems to be a strange tradition called Valentine's Day. The day that no matter how long you have loved someone, you have to prove your love by getting them something expensive and impractical; and if you don't get it right, the duration of which you're in the dog house can range from a week to forever! This is why I don't think that we should have Valentine's Day. I think we should have Pizza Day instead. Everyone likes pizza, and if they don't like it they should, so nobody should feel left out. Plus, pizza is much cheaper than jewelry or a dozen roses. There are many things that people find romantic. Here are some things that I find truly romantic: 1. Cleaning out the RazorFang cage together. If you can do that together, you can do anything together. 2. Chocolate dipped bacon. Girls like chocolate; boys like bacon. Serve with pizza. Now there's a romantic evening. 3. Go to Galor. Watch Bofalball all day, and drink Swampaid all night. What mor
Read more

Jokes

There seems to be a lot of debate with humans on why the chicken crossed the road. Some say he did it to get to the other side, to get away from Colonel Sanders, to show the possum it was possible, to get to the other slide, to give people something to talk about, because he could, because she saw what you did to her eggs, and because chickens are really stupid. I then learned that this  wasn't a philosophical debate, but was a joke. We do have jokes on my planet, but they are very different. I'm not even going to try to tell you a joke from my planet. You wont get them. Someone Told me, "People on a diet should go to the paint store. There you can get thinner." I didn't need to lose weight. I chose a very healthy form, but a friend of mine said that she wanted to lose weight. That's why I told her that. She just laughed at me. Apparently, that guy wasn't giving me information, but was telling a joke. I have found humans have various categories of joke
Read more

The Real Easter Bunny

I went out with the Easter bunny a few days ago. People have her all wrong, like how they think she's a boy. Why would a boy have eggs like that? She's an Angorian. It's a very interesting race that looks like a cross between a bunny and a person, but don't call them bunnies. They really don't like that. She bought chickens that lay colorful eggs from someone named Derek. He owns his own pet shop where you can design your pet. I asked him for a telepathic squid. He says he's still getting the Zoronean DNA, but he'll make it. There are many different races in the universe, and none of them look like ET. Star Wars and Star Trek get them all wrong too. There is one series that gets it right because it was written by an alien -- Eubos System, books one two and three. They tell you of beings that shoot lightning, that are connected to another dimension, those that shape-shift, the Damians who have a sixth sense, and other cool races that really exist. You rea
Read more