Greetings Earthlings!

I have recently encountered Earthling babies. They are very similar to babies on my planet; except our babies are as strong as us, eat 20 pounds of snot weed per day, and have a prehensile tail that doesn't disappear until they're ten. They also have a terrible sense of humor; they make the worst puns, and they....... Actually they're not the same at all. My first encounter with a human baby was when I was told to babysit, so I sat on the baby, but then it started crying. I though it was an inefficient way to communicate, so I gave her a dictionary, but she only attempted to eat it. She also ate the sock (the only one that had a pair), my money, and the wipe I gave her to clean herself up with. I took her on a walk, but she couldn't walk, and her shirt made a terrible handle. They also don't like being held by their feet. It also seems that human babies aren't lightning repellent. The baby was fine, but I lost a good pair of lock picks. "Waaaaaaaaaa&q

I recently discovered that Earthling make entertainment things called movies. We do not have these things on my planet. For entertainment, we stare at trees. They are quite fascinating, and dance very well. We also throw Slugmuts at each other. They explode very well, and leave a bio-luminescent slime. We call it "slime tag". Humans seem to enjoy seeing people pretend to be people they aren't, and stories where the plot is driven by the characters making stupid mistakes. For example, in the movie with the ice girl, the trolls told her to not be afraid, so her parents did the dumb thing to do, trapped her in her room, and taught her to be afraid of her powers when fear made her destructive. Personally, I would have made an ice amusement park and made millions. There is another type of movie called a musical where people randomly burst into song and dance, and know all the dance steps. This brings up many questions: How do they all know the words? How do they all kn

Socks are a unusual invention. On my planet we don't have them, for we can walk through lava, hot coals, or a large pot of cheese fondue with our bear feet, not bare feet. Our feet look like bear's. Humans have an obsessions with cleanliness. On my planet we just clean ourselves twice a week with a blowtorch. Humans have this strange ritual of feeding their clothing to a monster known as the washing machine. It appears to enjoy eating socks the most, and I find it peculiar that I can put ten pairs of socks in this monster's mouth and I get out sixteen unmatched socks and a frog. This poses some serious questions: Is this some multi-dimensional monster, or is it regurgitating yesterday's lunch? Does mathematics work the same way on this planet as on mine? Why doesn't it eat the shirts? I see why it doesn't eat the underwear. Most importantly, where did the frog come from? And why wasn't it a porcupine? I've also found that socks are not intelligen

I am known as Xothyclton on my planet, but you may call me DragonMike while I am on planet Earth. I have heard people enjoy dragons, if not, please leave a comment and teach me about this planet. At the moment I am trying to fit in, but it is not the simplest thing to attempt. The organisms of this planet thought it was abnormal for me to shove a hot dog in my ear. How was I suppose to know It was absorbed through the mouth? Two arms are peculiar too. I feel limited due to my lack of arms. I have found many things I enjoy, like pizza. It taste better then Cialak worms that we eat on my planet. Chocolate is enjoyable too. Sports are also enjoyable. I like hitting people with balls. I will report again in one planetary rotation. May the luck of Sligar be with you.